Failstravaganza

First level was a one-screen puzzle with a bob-omb repeatedly hitting a spring.

Confirmed: "Matthew" creates the worst puzzles in all of SMM.

First of 6 levels took 23 lives and 25 minutes.

Went on "a magical skull ride to meet [his] density."

Died the same way five times in a row.

Kicked bombs backwards when obviously the solution was to kick them forward.

Jumped up to grab POW, then apparently thought better of it. Fell to death.

Yoshi survived.

Naked pipes.

Had trouble solving a simple situation in a level that wasn't even a puzzle level.

POW didn't kill Bowser Jr.

Immediately after playing SMM, says "Smile N Slide" is the first game on the list.

Loses points so fast.

Says unmodified game is "basically a kaizo game".

"I would like to at least beat level 1." Setting high goals.

Claims to be "making progress". Still loses level 1.

Complains about having to move in order to get somewhere.

Game was Fail's own suggestion, yet still having troubles with it.

Needed 100 points to finish level 1. Only amassed an insignificant 97.

Took 20 minutes on level 1.

Gave up on game after only one level.

dx_over_dt didn't lose so much as she took pity on Fail and let him win.

"The game is like 100MB." The game is 3MB. Confirmed: Fail is a physicist.

TMan was not so magnanimous.

Fail completely skipped Todes when it was his turn.

Despite chat's fervent supplication, Fail continued to ignore Todes.

Someone fell right into Fail's trap.
It was fail.

As n stands for ninja, Fail really leaned into it. The game was invisible.

Cheated to emulate faster reflexes by slowing game speed down to 70%.

"It feels weird that there's no music in this game. I'm going to turn some music on." ... But there was no music in the last game either.

Confused when game introduced physics and enemies.

Discovered death orbs!

Discovered homing missiles!

Discovered fall damage!

Spent an exorbitant amount of time proving to us that he discovered homing missiles. We get it, Fail.

By the end it was practically a Michael Bay film.

Solid sprites for NES graphics.

Spike pit to left "Can I go left?" Dies.

Chat wonders why we're here.

Fail expects wall jumping in NES game.

Suddenly: a Metroidvania?

Death = restart from beginning. Harder than Dark Souls confirmed.

Says guy with shades is uncool. Confirmed: Fail is such a square.

If your friends have amnesia, beat them up so they remember you.

@SarahTheRed finally got her game accepted.

Skipped all the coins.

Just kidding, he got all the coins.

Exploding more in this game than in n.

Had too much potassium.

Everything you know is wrong.

Deconstruction humor = best humor.

Fail did it!

"I think the acid is good."

Avoided coins by instinct.

Super Mario World 2 "doesn't feel like a Mario game, that's for sure."

"I should probably play Yoshi's Island before playing kaizo."

Keeps dying rather than ditching Yoshi. The Failstream I knew is dead.

Complains that a jump in a kaizo hack is hard.

Complains that enemies move.

Argues that splits being out of order "doesn't matter".

Has the ability to flutter jump. Still misses landing on enemies.

Fail adds "aiming" to the long list of things he's "so bad at".

Thought "fire was infinite". Because that's how fire normally works?

Complains that the art is the reason he keeps falling off edges.

Jumping moves the camera so you can see what you're landing on. Fail complains.

Enemies don't move. Fail complains.

Game gives voiced audio feedback. Fail complains.

Game lets you turn without moving. Fail complains.

Enemies are abstract art. Fail complains.

Game uses an open world concept for each level. Fail complains.

Game reuses death animation to save disk space. Fail complains.

Game's storyline, like so much art, is left up to interpretation. Fail complains.

Game quotes one of Fail's favorite movies. Fail complains.

Game lets you wonder whether something is good or evil rather than jamming it down your throat. Fail complains.

Hating on Trip before even meeting him.

I've never seen antagonism used for couple's counseling before.

Fail talks to chat, rather than to the game. Ur doin it wrong.

Fail lost in 5 minutes.

"Okay this time don't kiss Grace right in front of her husband three times." --@flips_bad in what should have not needed saying

Fail left without even saying hi.

Trip flirts with Amy from the get-go.

Fail can't let go of the phone.

Trip's proposal seems awfully bland.

Grace flat out ignores Fail's attempt to kiss her.

Confirmed: Fail is the worst friend.

Fail made the most progress by using the 8-ball's answers.

Fail broke the game. Softlocked.
Technically they didn't get divorced. Take the w!

Killed himself so he could go shopping.

Thinks that "arrows are key". No, the Goomba is key.

Killed a guy simply because he was in line of sight.

Goes spelunking; complains that there's no light.

Killed by flying bone demon.

Completely ignores the laterns.

"I guess skulls don't count as lanterns." Do they normally?

"Not today skullman!" Two seconds later: "I guess I got killed by spikes."

The game gave you spikes, Fail. Please be grateful.

Less of a game, more of an interactive story. Or, well, not so much that either.

Confused by repairing the CPU requiring 10 scrap metal. The log says it requires scrap metal.

Complains that materializing scrap metal from nothing "takes a long time".

Somehow still more entertaining than Bubsy, E.T., and The Three Stooges. Combined.

Crank is the new The Witness in terms of going over the time limit.

Has abandoned a promising career as a Mario player in favor of finishing Crank.

Feels that a CrankBot should be able to function without batteries.

Warspyking is anti-Crank for some reason. He really wants to see Superman 64.

There's a save button. "Let's see if it actually saves."

Superman 64. I guess this is a good time for me to farm bits.

"No controller pak, game cannot be saved."

Superman has been drinking.

Lex won.

This game is making me just as motion sick as Bubsy 3D

We've found a game worse than Donkey Kong 64.