The schedule for Sunday, April 7th, 2019:

Axiom Verge
1:577:15 pm-9:13 pm
  • dx_over_dt accidentally overwrote all her notes in the database.

Momodora: Reverie Under The Moonlight
2:029:13 pm-11:16 pm
  • Died from poison.

  • Castlevania meets Dark Souls.

  • "I get no chances... one chances. Just one."

  • Quickly perfected the art of dying.

  • "Oh yeah? I'm smacking your boobs! What do you think about that?"

  • Complains that the game gets harder as you progress through it.

  • Thought he was ready for boss lady with red sword. He was definitely not.

  • Has determined that he does not want to get cursed.

  • "She goes crazy." Clearly a sexist statement that all women are crazy.

  • He jumped when he needed to roll. He pizzed when he should have french fried. He had a bad time.

  • Killed a woman who just wanted to protect her monastery.

  • Decides to play the game on hard mode blind. Complains when he gets one-shot.

  • Gives up, claiming his reason is because "it's been a couple hours." In point of fact, it had only been 1:59:50.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
2:0411:16 pm-1:20 am
  • Apparently thinks that Castlevania qualifies as a Metroidvania.

  • Fail tries his hand at voice acting.

  • Claims he doesn't need Maria. More sexism.

  • Calls a skeleton an asshole--the one thing that doesn't have an asshole.

  • Spends time changing clothes to look more fashionable. Shallowstream.

  • Goes to locations that are out of his way. Slowstream.

  • Apparently has something against lamps of all things...

  • Library card: get!

  • Found the cheater sword and wasn't skilled enough not to use it.

  • Finds out there's an even more cheater sword and says he needs it.

  • Discards the library card after only one use.

  • Because of cheater sword, Fail doesn't have to be good at the game. Fail confirms this, but then again this is true of any game Fail can beat.

  • Softlocked himself.

  • Broke down a wall for pot roast.

  • In defense of using the cheater sword: "It only makes you invincible if you mash fast enough." That's your argument?

  • Found the Leap Stone. It's used for evolving Mario.

  • Apparently there is a Sega Saturn version of Symphony of the Night, but Fail was too cheap to use it for the stream.

  • Needs the Silver Crown to feel smart.

  • Thinks that his cheater sword should be able hit a switch through a 6' thick wall.

  • "Familiars should just start with all their cool moves." Because even with his cheater sword, this game isn't easy enough.

  • Found the even more cheater sword. Equipped it without hesitation or consideration.

  • 12 cheats per second.

  • The elevator falls faster than people because physics.

  • Running around picking up Vlad's body parts.

  • In two hours, must have changed his clothes a couple dozen times. Clothes horse much?

Ori & the Blind Forest
1:011:30 am-2:31 am
  • Fail let everything die in the first few minutes of gameplay.

  • Naru died.

  • Ori died.

  • Didn't even try to go through the thorns to go back to Naru.

  • Has no problem with keys being consumable in Zelda games, but is surprised when magic keystones are used when opening magical stone doors and left inside to maintain that state?

  • Gains an ability point at a save point. Doesn't use it.

  • Fail's computer isn't fast enough to capture all the frames.

  • The secrets are marked on the map and Fail doesn't even see them.

  • Had to cut the game short. If Fail fails to fail, his computer will fail on his behalf.

Hollow Knight
1:542:31 am-4:26 am
  • Are the frames stuttering, or is Fail just getting hit a lot?

  • NPC: "A nasty spell of my own creation." Fail: Let me jump into it.

  • Bought a quill for cartography. Chose one without ink.

  • "Oh, I can't equip the charm until I'm at a bench." 20 seconds later reaches bench. Doesn't equip charm.

  • Fail really likes sleepwalking into pits of acid.

  • Fail heartlessly decided to ruin @graal_smith's sleep schedule by streaming for 12+ hours.

  • Acid diving: not as fun as it sounds.

  • Continues to re-explore acid each time he discovers a new pit.

  • Graduated from exploration of acid pits to exploration of spike pits.

  • Came between Zote the Mighty and his prey.

  • "I'm pretty sure people are going to die." Completely spoiled next season of Game of Thrones.

  • Fail tried to take credit for killing Zote the Mighty's prey.

Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet
1:114:26 am-5:37 am
  • "I love grabbing enemies so they can't do anything. I kill you with your brother." Fail likes to psychologically scar his enemies before they die.

  • Tried to use a saw as a shield.

  • Game has a 4-dicked space monster. Will not play again.

  • Tried to use a saw as a hand to grip things.

  • Fail's aim leaves much to be desired.

  • Underwhelming game is underwhelming.

1:515:37 am-7:29 am
  • Eight viewers enter, seven get to play. Ender is the lucky loser!

  • Two prompts in and the pandering begins.

  • The three things that make up "old person smell":
    Moth balls, urine, and "Get off my lawn" or
    Soap, Sadness, and Death
    Solid answers, both

  • Fail was so excited to beat dx_over_dt... only he wasn't up against dx_over_dt.

  • Fail won his first ever game of Quiplash.

  • Annnndddd dropped right back into a comfortable seventh. All is right with the world.

  • Fail convinced he loses rap battles because chat is out to get him. Can confirm: he loses on his own merits.

  • Fail won his next rap battle because chat took pity on him.

Bonus games (if there is time)
Donkey Kong 64
Superman 64
For Marie :failsLove:
Donkey Kong 64

Stream notes:

  • And in perfect Failtastic fashion, RIP stream 5 minutes before the end.